The difficulty of being .... - 01

One of my favorite books is "The Difficulty of being Good" by Gurucharan Das, for it has had a deep impact on my thought process ever since I read it for the first time. For a long time, I yearned for an outlet, a free flowing, independent outlet of my mind thoughts and hence, I thought what better way than an ode to my favorite book.

This series will generally cover my views on some common topics, centering around Good as theme and Dharma as the tenet. Obviously, the plurality of our dharma means that there is bound to be differing view points and perhaps, contradictory opinions. This is my perspective, perhaps an exercise of slugfest, within my own mind space to debate the quintessential eternal question.. What is Dharma?

Social Media gives an outlet for everyone to voice an opinion, irrespective of one's aptitude, experience, relevance or expertise. While the nature of the forum is such, it does throw up some intriguing questions. Take for example, the 2 themes currently in vogue.. What were you doing at 23? Why haven't the parents brought up the child properly?

I will deal with the first question in subsequent post, but let me address the latter one. For a moment, lets leave the current context out of discussion and focus on some very common problems we find in day to day life, especially Social Media. For example, a 20+ year old person swears with choicest words, shows utter lack of respect or completely smashes the boundaries of decency in the name of debate.

The usual question that comes up, What kind of parents brought him up? Who are those teachers who inculcated these into those poor kids?

After observing life closely, my first reaction would be: Excuse me, please hold on. Don't start to judge the parents and teachers yet. Think. Reflect.

There is absolutely no doubt about the positive influence on values and principles by parents and later teachers. More often than not, most parents hide their own inefficiencies, challenges, maybe vices or shortcomings in front of their children. The scenario of being judged in the most compassionate eyes of a child is enough to melt the most hardened hearts. Of course, do remember : Rule is a rule only if there are few exceptions.

Teachers are equally influential in shaping a child's thought process. Occasional swearing may have be part of the past, but modern day teachers strictness pales in comparison to some serious hard taskmasters of the past.

No wonder we say: mātr̥ dēvōbhava pitr̥ dēvōbhava ācārya dēvōbhava.

So if Parents and Teachers didn't make the child thus, who did? Let's not jump the gun,  but look a little deeper. There may not be direct influences, but nudges or soft influences work miraculously albeit in the most devastating fashion.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. One of the sure shot ways of establishing a psyche where a child is not taught the meaning of NO. Children becoming adamant is a clear indicator of troubles that may come in future.

Now circling back to the question, who is to blame? Well, we could look around us. Peer company is a major port of influence. As the child grows up, exposure of mediums like TV or Internet, specially Social Media, makes an ever lasting impact on the person. With absolutely no regulation or fear of reprimand, an increasingly self-fulfilling psyche sets in : I am correct. Values and Principles that may have been learnt during childhood is soon forgotten.

So when faced with such situations, I am very hesitant to blame Parents or Children. Once a child crosses 14 years, he/she is capable enough of thinking and analyzing rights and wrongs. With the advent of 18 years i.e. when they become so called major, they are expected to exercise a choice... A choice to choose wisely and correctly.

While parents and teachers can create a conducive environment to influence the child positively, external factors can impact drastically in an incorrect direction. So do put some onus on the child... He/She may be innocent, but they are not dumb.. they should learn to put a value on their actions and continuously keep improving. Youthful exuberance is not an excuse for stupidity...